Seriously… is it Friday yet??
June 17, 2008Well, it is just about 9am on Tuesday and I can hardly wait for the weekend already. bleh.
What is going on… well, this weekend was good. I cut work on Friday. Deb and I took the kids to the Aquatic Park here and we had a blast. Sat I had foster-adopt class and then Sunday it was church and hanging out at Debs for Fathers Day early dinner. Then, I watched the kids so Deb and John could go see the Hulk movie. Yesterday I worked and watched the kids after work while Deb and John signed the papers on their refi. The kids came over my house and it was so nice to have noise there after work. Some nights I come home and just plop down on the sofa and the quiet drives me batty. I am lazy and have no motivation to do anything. BUT, the noise and the mess they make brings a smile to my face. Seriously, I worked in the yard while they played in the yard. I found Ava a frog and she held it and tramatized played with it for an hour. It was just so nice to have someone around besides just me and Bessie (and the cats). I can’t wait to be a mom one day and have the cleaning and the entertaining and teaching and playing to do!
Sooo, embryo donor lady emailed me yesterday and she asked if I knew why I had a miscarriage and it my ute was normal. I mean.. I had an feeling that my miscarriage was a questionable for her. On one hand I can understand her fear that all those embies will go to waste, but she doesnt get that not all those embies are actually going to mature into a real live baby. But, I wrote her back letting her know that I have a totally normal ute and had every blood test run and nothing there is conclusive as to why I miscarried. My RE’s words.. bad luck. So.. maybe that will help her with her decision. I hope so.
On another note, my cousin Monique called Debbie this morning. She is 9 weeks pregnant and has been spotting for a week. She had and U/S last week and everything looked fine. The spotting continued and last night it got worse, this morning crampy and then she passed a clot. She is afraid she is having a miscarriage. I feel so bad for her. No one should have to go through that. UGH. I understand her pain and sadness. She is on her way to the doc right now. Lets see what they say.
I had no idea that she was pregnant. She didn’t tell me. I don’t know if Debbie knew.. she probably did. Anyway, Debbie said this morning is the first she heard of the pregnancy and the reason Monique didn’t say anything was because she didn’t want to hurt my feelings. Her sensitivity to my feelings is touching. I feel guilty that people have to be sensitive to me. I appreciate it though. Because being in limbo as I am, it would of stung a bit. But again, I feel bad that people have to be cognisant of me having a mental breakdown due to their happiness.
I was thinking the other day.. I was thinking about 10 years ago when I bought my first condo. It was summer of 1998 when I moved in. I was so happy. I was the happiest I was EVER in my life. I was in the best shape of my life. My life was perfect. I dated a TON. I made great money, had little debt, the market was great and money was flowing in Silicon Valley at that time. In December of 1999 I met Asshole. He was my first REAL love. We (HE) broke up in July after 7 months of dating. Life was still good after that. I was enjoying everything. Then we got back together in Jan of 01. After that, things went downhill. I went on to date him off and on for 4 more years. He took me way down. I have managed to pick myself up. I have direction again and goals.. but I want that happiness I had 10 years ago back.. I wish I could have it back today.. even for just a week.
I’m wishing it was Friday too!
And I’m hoping embryo donor lady gets over the miscarriage and chooses you. I’d think she would want to give someone like you a chance.
Sending much love!
Good to see that you are blogging again! I think of you often. Hope donor lady gives you the embies and helps make your dreams come true! I am kind of in the same space you are right now…hind sight 20/20.
I am ordering more swimmers today from PRS in San Fran! Wish us luck!
I want Friday as well. Can we hurry it up?
I hope embie lady makes her decision soon and I pray that it is you! It should be. If she wants a reference letter, let me know
You will get that happiness back, one day I promise!
Yeah, I’d just as soon skip Friday but then I work weekends. And this weekend will be a long one as it’s 4 in a row. I hope the embryo donor lady still picks you. You are right that just because there are embryos doesn’t mean they will all be ok. Many people have m/c and just because there is one doesn’t mean there will be another. I’m hanging on to hope for you.
Friday is my beta. So yeah, you could say I wish it was Friday!
I, too, hope embryo donor woman selects you. If she asked that question, it seems like it’s a good, errr, I’ll shut up now and keep praying.
Forgive my assvice here. I think the happiness you’re growing into and building now is bound to be even better. The You-Back-Then is a different You with a different kind of happiness than the one who is now (ahem) more mature with more life experiences. Even the sucky ones like IF. Anyway, I hope you find yourself awakening into more and more happiness very soon.
Wishing you EVERY happiness!!
I really hope that she realizes she wont have any control of the outcome of those embies, no matter who gets them. I hope she will decide that you are the best choice. Do you know how many others if any she is considering?
I really really hope you get good news!!
I hope the donor lady gives you good news. You deserve it so much!
Sorry to hear about your cousin, and really hope it wasn’t a miscarriage.
On your front I definetly hope embryo lady will give you the O.K (and the sooner the better!). And I’m sure that once you have your kids of your own (not if. when! and not kid, but kids!) you will regain that lost happiness and will even have happier than ever days.