The meaning of August

HOWDY!  Well first off.. sorry it had been so long since I last posted!  We took our big family trip to So. Cal for 10 days and got back on Sunday the 10th.  I had to go back to work on Monday the 11th and getting caught up was no easy task.  But, I am caught up .. yeah.  I will work to upload pictures of my trip today.. it was some serious fun! 

August is a month of many memorable dates for me.  I have kind of been in a grumpy funk for the past 3 days.  It comes in waves.. some moments I am lost in thought and daydreams, other moments I am sad, while others I am angry and then other moments I am just fine.  For me, August kinda sucks.  August marks 3 F-N years of trying to be a mom.  Technically, I decided in Feb 2006 that I wanted to be a mom, but I planned and saved and waited patiently for August 2006 to arrive.  Here I am, August 2009… still empty handed.  UGH. 

Another memorable date is Love Bugs due date.  That would have been August 2008.. Love Bug would be celebrating a first birthday this month.. it makes me sad.  On our trip I thought many times how differently the trip would have been had I been a mommy to a one year old.  I should be planning a big ass celebration and instead I am counting cycle days waiting for Debbie’s CD 1 (which should be roughly August 25th) so we can get back to Project Baby. 

August is also the end of summer.  It is a reminder that another year is almost over.  Once September hits, the months fly by.  I can’t believe that in no time, it will Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas…  amazing.  For me, school will be starting in September.  This semester I am taking Human Anatomy and a Math class.  I know.. pretty exciting.  Actually I am excited about Anatomy as we get to play with a cadaver and that outta be interesting…

So there you have it.  The latest and greatest.  Curious as to what I am up to this weekend??  Well Sat I am headed to a family picnic and then a going away party.  Sunday I will begin babysitting my Godson and his sister while my cousin and his wife take their oldest off to College.  They will return Tuesday and I will then head home.  I was invited to a friends sons 13th birthday part on Sat the 22nd…  but I am really feeling like I would like to spend some time at home clearing out the backyard weeds and tripping bushes, etc… we shall see.

Oh and I did forget to mention.. one of my two cousins (they are sisters) that are pregnant.. yeah, she had her baby last night.  SIGH…  where is my baby??

Still Holding ….

Since onemorebaby was asking for an update, thought I would hop on and give you one… I wish it were more exciting, like a bird dropped a baby on my front porch and I didn’t tell anyone and I kept it.  Or, I won the lotto.  Or.. geez.. I dunno..  But really, nothing super exciting.  Now, if I was gonna gossip like a girl.. well then I have some goodies for ya.. like my friend of 33 years.. her hubby had an affair.  She forgave him. I know, it happens right??  Well hold your hats..  I hadn’t mentioned the REAL DEETS yet..  the woman he had an affair with, she is the neighbor that lives across the street.  Oh and I also forgot to mention that this woman was also having an affair with another guy on the street just two houses down.  So lets add this up.  One adultress, One husband, two adulterers …. OH YEAH!!!  I forgot the kicker..  SHE GOT FLIPPIN PREGNANT!!!  She swore the baby’s father was her husband.. well that lasted until the baby was born.  Her husband demanded a bloodtest and it turns out the baby isn’t his!!!!  So, the other two possibilities were tested and it turns out that my friends hubby is the daddy!  That poor child!  My friend, well, she has decided that all will be well and she will be the baby’s second mother.  Besides (she says) she “has always wanted another baby”….  (My head was spinning when she said that).  Anyway, my point in sharing this is how the heck is this poor baby going to feel growing up….???  It makes me sad…. for that baby and her two kids at home..  The one person I don’t feel bad for is her hubby…

On a much brighter note, we did go camping for 5 days and that was a BLAST!  I had the best time ever.  The weather was HOT and we lounged around floating and playing.  The kids played in the water and colored non stop.  I got super tan.  Oh and I took something like 400 pictures!  I am uploading them to flickr as I type this post.  Check ‘em out

Another fun piece of info… on July 31st the whole family is heading to southern california, LA and San Diego.  We will do Disney and Sea World, etc.  The kids will be so excited.  This is probably the biggest trip they have ever taken.  Heck.. I am friggin SUPER excited! 

Deb is still waiting on her period to show … at this point, I prefer it show up right now or hold out til the Sat before we come home so that we can cycle when we get home..  just because I said that, it is sure to come at the beginning of our trip.. LOL  

In other news, today I am emotional and sad and frustrated.  I can cry at most anything today.  Mostly it started because another IRL friend just had a set of twins.  I have a feeling she worked for them and it didn’t come easy so I feel guilt over my jealousy.  And you know, it really isn’t jealousy.  It is more of this.. “WHY NOT ME” feeling.  A self pity thing.  Ugh.  I know by tomorrow I will  be better.  Shoot tonight I probably will be better….

Holding Pattern

Things are moving along.  Nothing really exciting.  Just waiting …  We are heading out on Sunday to camp on the lake for a few days.  That outta be a good time.  I can not wait to chill in the sun and play and maybe nap on a floatie!

Oh!   There was one thing.  I got a letter in the mail last week from our friends at the I*R*S.  Yeah, they are doing an “examination” of my 2**7 taxes.  They asked that I forward them my 2**7 medical and dental receipts so that they can verify that I accurately added and reported my expenses (code for making sure I didn’t LIE).  They included a small letter sized envelope for my convenience.  Uhhhh do you think if I spent THAT much on medical expenses my receipts are going to fit in that small ass envelope????!!!!!  Anyway, nothing like pulling out all of your receipts for failed IUI and IVF#1 and #2 failures to remind you how much you have spent and today, 2 friggin years later, no further in achieving your hearts desire…  Thanks for that I*R*S…

Anyway, hope everyone had a fabulous 4th!

July… for realz?

(This is me peeking out from under my rock) Hi there world.. how are you?  Anybody there???? Kami .. I see you.  I am here and I am okay

So here I am, I am over being under my rock.  You all know me, you can’t keep an addicted Infertile a good girl down.  Honestly, for a while there I was not happy at all.  You know the deal, I cried (a lot) and was mad (for about a day) and then I laughed and got up and once again brushed myself off.  How can you not do that when you know at some point, the tide is going to shift and it WILL be my turn to bask in the glow of motherhood. 

I think the worst part for me was because I felt like I brought my sweet awesome sister into my pathetic web of doom.  She was never once anything less that fantastic during all this.  She never got down or frustrated.  She never once said lets give up (unlike me as I was the not so happy camper that Thursday when the walls came down).  Anyway, thanks sista for being awesome.

So now the wait game for the next try is underway.  I don’t know when it will be and when we get a CD1, I will get out my pompoms and start cheering again.  I do hope you will join me…. 

And we all go tumbling down

Beta came back at 196.  I am crawling underneath my rock.  Not sure when I will come out. 

I had to rally tonight for a girls night out.  I kept it a secret all night until someone asked how the baby thing was going and I literally “lost it” at the table.  Thank God it was at a friends house.  They were kind and understanding and asked if I needed to not talk about it and if we should change the subject.  Debbie was there… I cried.  She was the strong one and answered the questions for me while I shed the tears that had once been the hope of my soul.

Beta Numero Dos

8:27am – Sitting here at my desk acting like I am working.  Knowing I should be working but I just can’t focus long enough to crunch these numbers.  I need to just focus for a few minutes and do it because Bossman will be looking for these in about an hour…  UGH  Hurry Up and CALL!!!

9:03am – Managed to work for a solid 30 min without stressing over phone call.  I have to pee right  now but am afraid to miss a call.  I could bring my cell into the bathroom or have debbie answer if it rings when I am gone..  I caved I just went and brought the phone with me.  No call

9:25 – okay I think I will call the dr office now.  I just need to be sure they are on it.. ok just called to tell them to check in with the lab..

9:44am – seriously.  can they just call!!

10:03 – seriously I am going nuts here.. CALL.ME!

10:26 – soon I will be calling the lab and pretending I am the dr’s office!

11:06 – ok.. I am not going to pretend call the lab but I am getting close to calling the docs office again.  I mean I know she has patients to see and all…..  but pretty please..can she just call me real quick with some good news??!!!!

11:26 – I called the docs about 15 mins ago and LM asking for a status on the results.  The phone rang and I peed my pants and then realized that is was the gal at the front desk calling to ask me what results was I looking for.  I explained to her it was Beta #2 and she said “OH, let me call them right now and have them fax those over”…. waiting SUCKS!!!

12:05 – no call and my head is pounding and my patience for clients with stupid questions is shot!  AHHHHHHH

12:28 – still no call and now I have heated up my lean cuisine for lunch… time to blogroll

1:28pm – NO CALL YET!  I know they take lunch from 12:30-1:30 so a few minutes more before I can harrass them!!!!  Seriously, this is the worst kind of torture!!

2:15 – i called them and they just called me back.  Their FAX machine is broken so they are not getting faxes..  WTF… they hope to have it resolved and get the results soon.  Debbie and I just went for 3 laps around the building to kill some time

2:50 – I am THIS close to just giving up for the day.  I imagine that I will not be getting the results today.  POOPTASTIC

Here is to hoping that once I hit “publish” I will get the call!

The Results Are In………

Are

 

 

 

 

 

 

You

 

 

 

 

 

Ready?????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14 DPO and the results are:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

300!!!!!!

I am in awe of Debbie’s fertility…  I am so over the top happy and full of emotion right now.  I don’t even quite know how to express it all.  I can’t say THANK YOU enough to my sister.  I can’t ever tell her enough how much I love her.  I don’t think there will ever be words to share my gratitude for her gift.  My sister is my hero.  My sister is the greatest woman I know.  I need to stop before I cry all over my desk here at work. 

On another note, I can hardly believe that this cycle F-N worked.  I was telling Rachel a moment ago that on Sunday, the day of the 2nd U/S before the IUI I told Debbie on the way to the way to the  car after the U/S that I knew the cycle was a bust before it started.  I told her that if I hadn’t already spent the $$ on sperm that I would have cancelled the cycle.  But since it was only going to be another $150 that we might as well just do it and get it over with…..  Here we are 15 days later and I am eating crow and loving the taste of it!

Internets……  HUGS to everyone for the support and encouragement!

Once again, if you and I or you and Deb are friends on Face*book.  PLLLLEEEAAASSSEEE do not mention anything regarding this.  I am not announcing anything pregnancy related at this point.  Thanks Mucho.

Conversations of a Surrogate and a Phlebotomist

Well, Deb got to go into today to take ber Beta… but not until 3pm.  Since it was so late, I imagine that the results will not be in until tomorrow sometime.  I will be calling and bugging people if I don’t hear by 11am tomorrow (Tuesday).  Stay Tuned For That.  In the meantime, enjoy the convo that took place at the lab ~

So today Deb went to a lab she has not gone to before.  It started as a visit to Q*uest and when she arrived, they were kind enough to tell her that if she went next door to Uni*lab that the draw would be covered by her insurance.  The gal there was SUPER nice and walked her over and delivered her to Uni*lab and the lab request and Uni*lab said they would do the draw no problem.  The conversation upon being called back for the actual blood draw went as follows:

Bloodman (the phlebotomist) – Good Afternoon

Debbie – Hi There

Bloodman – Is this your first pregnancy?

Debbie – No, my third.  But this is really my sisters pregnancy.  I am a surrogate for her.

Bloodman – Oh …… how does that work?

Debbie - (with an inquisitive look on her face wondering how to answer this as she was perplexed that he would really take the conversation to this level and not leave it be at the “I am a surrogate for her”)  What do you mean?

Bloodman – I mean how does it work?  Do they take her egg and fertilize it and then put it in you? (Clearly he has an idea of how it works or he wouldn’t be asking this NOSEY ASS QUESTION)

Debbie – Well in this situation, it is a traditional surrogacy so it is my egg and donor sperm. 

Bloodman – So, technically it is YOUR baby.

Debbie – No, it is not my baby, it is my sisters baby.

Bloodman – Well it is your egg and your carrying it.  So your giving her your baby.  Isn’t that weird?  Isn’t that going to be hard to explain?  Isn’t that going to be hard to do… to give her your baby?

Debbie  - (at a loss because she can’t believe he is saying this to her) Well I love my sister very much so….

Bloodman – Well you must if you are doing that.  Alright, all done.

Debbie - (still wondering if she is in the Twilight Zone or if people really do ask these questions and realizing that she is going to have to plan for the next stranger that feels entitled to ask those types of questions) Great.  Thanks.

Debbie gets in the car and calls me and tells me  that she wishes to NOT return to that place for a beta again.  She then tells me the story.  We need to work on how to deal with this situation because clearly it is going to come up because if it came up once.. it will come up again.

Weekend Update

Just thought I would leave a quick update…..

So Debbie POAS stick yesterday and it was nice and dark.  At 9pm after we got back from the party we realized she didn’t have anymore sticks to pee on for today so I ran really fast on my way home, picked up a  box and left them on her front porch.  She almost forgot I did that and she was almost done with her FMU and she remembered I left them and ran out, got them, finished up her potty on the stick.  She just called and she said the line wasn’t as dark as yesterday.  BUT, I am chalking it up to the end of the urine stream, the different box and all those other things…  I am presently chanting all of this to myself to keep me from the crazies. 

I feel very confident that trigger would be gone by now.  Today is 14dptrigger and 13/14 DPO (again she O’d twice).  Here is a picture I just took of the sticks from the past 4 days, obviously not including todays because I am not at Debs house. 

So, tomorrow morning at 9am I will call the Dr’s and beg and plead for them to call in a lab order and ask for a rush.  Of course I will be posting to let you know if we get in tomorrow or have to wait until Tuesday.

I mean  honestly, at 14dptrigger, that line should not be there unless she is knocked up… RIGHT?????  OH and BTW.. if you know either of us IRL or if you and I or you and Deb are friends on Facebook, please don’t mention anything about pregnancy or peesticks or beta’s or anything of that nature.  We are keeping all of this on the down low.

The Great Wait

The line today is cleaner and darker than yesterday.. does that mean something.. ???  I hope so.  We will wait through the weekend and keep testing.  Debs period is supposed to show Monday.  If no show and we are still getting lines like this, Deb will have a beta…  My guess is that it is going to be a LOOOONNNGG weekend.  Good thing I have a Graduation Party tomorrow night for my good friend Julie’s son.  Then, on Sunday, I am driving to Manteca for the night so that I can take my Godson for his drivers test on Monday.  He wanted to use my car instead of his parents big suburban.. I don’t blame him! 

And last but not least, for your viewing please  

 

 

 

The unlabeled one is from today… 

Thanks everyone for keeping us in your thoughts and all the good vibes.  I tell you … without  you guys I surely would have been a more severe stress case than I am…..