And we all go tumbling down

Beta came back at 196.  I am crawling underneath my rock.  Not sure when I will come out. 

I had to rally tonight for a girls night out.  I kept it a secret all night until someone asked how the baby thing was going and I literally “lost it” at the table.  Thank God it was at a friends house.  They were kind and understanding and asked if I needed to not talk about it and if we should change the subject.  Debbie was there… I cried.  She was the strong one and answered the questions for me while I shed the tears that had once been the hope of my soul.


45 thoughts on “And we all go tumbling down

  1. Ugh, I just can’t believe this is happening. You’ve been through so much and it just needs to get better, to let you be done.

  2. T & D, I wish this road we travel wasn’t so rough. My heart goes out to you both. Don’t give up. You are almost there…I will be praying for you both. Sending hugs and love your way.

  3. Tracey,

    You are not only my sister but my bestest friend. We have traveled down this road for a long time but I know we will reach a destination. I cannot say when we will get there or what waits for us when we do arrive but what I can guarantee you is I will be there for you (and all of blogland). You asked me if you cannot have children then what are you doing here? I have an answer for you, you make my life a million times better, you make my children’s lives complete and you make other smile and laugh. Whether you know it or not, you do make a difference in people’s lives. This so called life is unfair when we look at it and see people having babies that shouldn’t and people not having babies that should. It sucks, plain and simple and we can compare and envy all we want and be sad and crawl under or rock OR we can kick this thing in the ass and knock it out of the park. So what do you say, lets shoot for month 3!

    Love you too much~


  4. Ughhhh that sucks. You and Debbie are in our prayers. I hope your healing starts, soon. You will get through this.

  5. Tracey,

    I had no idea about this when I commented on FB this morning. I love you both, and am devastated by this news. Wish I could hug you you.


  6. I’m utterly utterly devestated. And angered beyond words; life can be so very unfair. I don’t understand it and it really challenges my faith. Tracey, I wish you the strength to go on and I know oh-so-well that lingering question (If I don’t have kids, then why am I here???) because I have asked myself that same question so many times. I don’t have an answer but BLESS your sister’s sweet heart for saying what she did to you a few comments ahead of me because they were the kindest and truest words ever.

    Deb, you are a sister of the truest kind and bless your heart a million times for being Tracey’s unwavering guardian through this heartbreaking journey. It’s so very heart-breaking and so many others would have faded away by now because (from what I’ve been told) witnessing it can be almost as painful as living it.

    Tracey, I don’t know what is next for you. But I do know that YOU and your life, as it is now, has meaning that is greater than you can even fathom. You are a beacon of inspiration and you touch many people’s life. Your tenacity and committment to this journey is a lesson for others and a comfort and encouragement for those of us who are also walking this horrific path. You are a treasure to all of us and you will survive this.

    Please know that I am here for you. Reach out when/if you can. I feel your pain as keenly as I feel my own and I want to help in any way I can.

    I wish you and Deb healing and peace.


  7. Oh Tracy. My heart is breaking for you – for all of you. I was so sure this was it – so sure.

    Please be gentle with yourself and let us know how you are doing.

    I am very, very sorry. I wish I could do something to help.

  8. Oh hun…I am so VERY sorry. I know there is nothing I can say right now to make you feel better. Just know that there are many of us out in blogland thinking about you.


  9. Here from LFCA – So sorry to hear this news. Take care of yourself and know many people are thinking of you.

  10. oh no! how can that be? is there any chance there’s a vanishing twin? just trying to hold out some hope for y’all…

    sending many hugs your way.

  11. Oh, Tracey! I am so sorry! I was really hoping for you! How heartbreaking. You have been through so much. It really is time for you to catch your break. I’m so sorry.

  12. Tracy, there are no words! I just read your sisters comment….you two are strong and make such a great team! You both are in my thoughts and prayers tonight!

    With love,
    Micki & Annie

  13. Oh Honey,
    I am so devastated to hear this news. I wish there was someway I could dry those tears. Just know that you are loved. You are a wonderful, amazing person and you and Debbie will be in our prayers. If there is anything I can do, please let me know.

    Sending the biggest hugs your way!


  14. Oh my Gosh – I can’t believe it. The first beta was so good, I wouldn’t have thought it would drop. Crap. I’m very sorry.

  15. I have been following along (although not commenting) for the last few weeks. I have also been following ESPECIALLY closely the last few days but it is REALLY hard to comment on my Crackberry. So I seem like a real late-to-the-party jerk. I’m sorry for that. And I’m sorry for this m/c. So so SO sorry. I wish I could say or do something, anything to make it better. But I got nothin’ ‘cept cyber ((HUGS)).

  16. Didn’t know this was going on babe, so sorry for both you and Deb. I know you, you are strong and when you are ready you will bounce back and fight another day. My thoughts are with you x

  17. You know I love both you and Deb. We have been talking through this but wanted to comment on here as well. I am still holding out some hope for you and hoping this all turns out okay. If not like Deb said, we will get through this and move on to the third month!!!

  18. Thanks for stopping by my blog. I think about you every day. I wish I could offer something that might help.

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