This is my 400th post! WOW.. I started this blog in the summer of 2006. I can’t believe that it has been almost 4 years. A lot sure has happened. I guarantee you that I would not have predicted that I would not be a mother. BUT… let me say this. Today I am happier than I have been in the past 3 1/2 years.
During the throws of TTC and medicine and planning cycles…. it sucks up every bit of life you have. It takes over your life and leaves you with little else. At the end of it all, when it works the feeling is euphoric. When something terrible happens or it doesn’t work …. you want to crawl in a hole and die. The anger and loneliness is all-consuming and you simply don’t know when or how you could possibly feel better. You are not only left with fewer dollars in your pocket but you are left with less emotionally, robbed of your hopefulness and belief that it works out for good people. Because deep down we know… it works out if it is meant to work. It isn’t in our hands to control. I don’t miss the roller coaster of it all. In fact sometimes it can be hard for me to read about cycling and cycles on others blogs because it burns a little. I guess it opens up those wounds a bit. Wounds I thought were healed but apparently are not.
Like I said in the beginning of this post. Today I am happier than I have been in a long while. I really have not stressed out about the details of the process of international adoption. (I do however stress of the money part but whatever) I mean the paperwork chase can be time-consuming but it hasn’t thrown me into a moment when I want to break down in tears. At this point I am waiting on one thing and I can’t do anything to make it come more quickly so I will just wait. Once I get that I just need to notarize and apostille, then send off my dossier. My hope is to submit that at the end of May. After that the wait begins and I feel like being in that position is going to be easier than the paperchase. Because for me I feel like I have a pending project and I just want to have all the papers done and sent off so I know that there is nothing I need to be doing… Plus, summer is just around the corner and I know I will be busy and time will go by. Please don’t think I think that waiting will be a breeze, but I just think I will be a bit more at ease knowing I am done at my end.
But back to my point…. I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I feel like I am on the path to MY child. I feel like this part of my journey is utilizing the patience I learned when cycling over the past 3 1/2 years. I became a member of a community I did not know existed. I have made friendships with people I would never have met had I not decided to go after my dream of motherhood. I have now become a member of the adoption community and am meeting more wonderful and amazing people and families. So although this journey has been filled with ups and downs, I do appreciate everything I learned and the people I have met. I wouldn’t be the person I am today and right now I pretty much like me 🙂
Happy Friday Everyone and THANK YOU for following along for the past 400 posts!