400 Posts

This is my 400th post!  WOW..  I started this blog in the summer of 2006.  I can’t believe that it has been almost 4 years.  A lot sure has happened.  I guarantee you that I would not have predicted that I would not be a mother.  BUT… let me say this.  Today I am happier than I have been in the past 3 1/2 years. 

During the throws of TTC and medicine and planning cycles…. it sucks up every bit of life you have.  It takes over your life and leaves you with little else.  At the end of it all, when it works the feeling is euphoric.   When something terrible happens or it doesn’t work …. you want to crawl in a hole and die.  The anger and loneliness is all-consuming and you simply don’t know when or how you could possibly feel better.  You are not only left with fewer dollars in your pocket but you are left with less emotionally, robbed of your hopefulness and belief that it works out for good people.  Because deep down we know… it works out if it is meant to work.  It isn’t in our hands to control.  I don’t miss the roller coaster of it all.  In fact sometimes it can be hard for me to read about cycling and cycles on others blogs because it burns a little.  I guess it opens up those wounds a bit.  Wounds I thought were healed but apparently are not. 

Like I said in the beginning of this post.  Today I am happier than I have been in a long while.  I really have not stressed out about the details of the process of international adoption.  (I do however stress of the money part but whatever) I mean the paperwork chase can be time-consuming but it hasn’t thrown me into a moment when I want to break down in tears.  At this point I am waiting on one thing and I can’t do anything to make it come more quickly so I will just wait.  Once I get that I just need to notarize and apostille, then send off my dossier.  My hope is to submit that at the end of May.  After that the wait begins and I feel like being in that position is going to be easier than the paperchase.  Because for me I feel like I have a pending project and I just want to have all the papers done and sent off so I know that there is nothing I need to be doing… Plus, summer is just around the corner and I know I will be busy and time will go by.  Please don’t think I think that waiting will be a breeze, but I just think I will be a bit more at ease knowing I am done at my end. 

But back to my point….  I feel like I am exactly where I am supposed to be.  I feel like I am on the path to MY child.  I feel like this part of my journey is utilizing the patience I learned when cycling over the past 3 1/2 years.  I became a member of a community I did not know existed.  I have made friendships with people I would never have met had I not decided to go after my dream of motherhood.  I have now become a member of the adoption community and am meeting more wonderful and amazing people and families.  So although this journey has been filled with ups and downs, I do appreciate everything I learned and the people I have met.  I wouldn’t be the person I am today and right now I pretty much like me 🙂 

Happy Friday Everyone and THANK YOU for following along for the past 400 posts!


5 thoughts on “400 Posts

  1. I’m glad you feel like you’re where you are supposed to be…that’s so important and something that IF peeps miss so much! You’re right that the wounds never heal either…

    I’m so glad that you’re moving on and have some control over what is happening with the adoption. Knowing that you can check things off your list is so different from TTC! I know you are going to make an amazing mother and can’t wait to hear more (I think I say that every time I comment)!

  2. I too am glad that you feel like you are where you are supposed to be. And I hear you about not missing cycling. I don’t either. Granted if that opprotunity presented itself again i’d probably fall all over again. Hope you have a good weekend.

  3. Such a great post. I agree…I also feel happier, not at this exact moment but overall :). I’m glad you’re doing so well!!

  4. For me, those wounds will never ever heal. They are part of me forever. It still comes up when I see of hear of someone I know being pregnant. But the pain of the wound is much much much less than it was pre-adoption. Even still, I wouldnt change anything. It makes us appreciate so much more.

    THANK YOU for posting 400 times and letting us into your life, into your journey to YOUR CHILD. I cant wait!

  5. Happy 400! And, I’m glad I met you..and everyone else we met while ttc’ing. Wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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