What a week it has been. I had a few bad days last week. Amazing how one day your mood can be great and the next day your P.O.’d because your neighbor keeps playing “gettin jiggy with it”. If I never hear that song again it will be too soon! But in all honesty, I did have a funky few days last week. I was worrying that I would have to redo a form that was going to cost $700. I was PMS’ing. I was having anxiety. I mean seriously, things like the friggin Clear B*lue Easy Pee Stick commercial were making my stomach turn. I just hit a wall and felt blah. Going away on Friday with the family helped a lot. It was great to be gone and many laughs were had.
Monday when I got home I learned that I will not have to pay the $700 to redo a form and that was good. Very Good. Then I possibly got the wedding I was hoping for. She said it was mine and now I am just waiting on them to pick a package and then sign the contract. So technically it isn’t over until they sign…. But I am hopeful.
Today I went to see my little cousin/sorta niece graduate 8th grade. It was fun. I can’t believe how grown up she is and I am sitting here wondering where the time has gone. Now I feel like dookie again. Well not dookie, just frustrated at my life. I know it will all work out in the end. But the emotional side of me sometimes overrides the logical side and I feel overwhelmed. I am done with this merry-go-round. I want to get off! Seriously. No Joke. I just want to get to the other side. I don’t get why some days are harder than others. I hate that. I hate feeling out of control with my emotions. Sometimes, like tonight, I think of what my life would be life if I had done this or had done that. I think about my regrets and mistakes. I think about what it will be like a year from now. I wonder if I will be in Kaz or in between visits or maybe home with a child. I try really hard not to think that I will be sitting just like this night, sad and alone. I hope not.
This terrible rainy weather isn’t doing much for me either. I need sun. I need to take walks in the sun and feel it on my face. I need to sit in the pool listening to the kids play and feeling my cheeks burn. I need to hear the hum of the fan going in the family room since I don’t have A/C. I really just need a break and something super duper fabulous to happen so I can remember how it feels to be giddy.