The Good, The Bad and the Weather….

What a week it has been.  I had a few bad days last week.  Amazing how one day your mood can be great and the next day your P.O.’d because your neighbor keeps playing “gettin jiggy with it”.  If I never hear that song again it will be too soon!  But in all honesty, I did have a funky few days last week.  I was worrying that I would have to redo a form that was going to cost $700.  I was PMS’ing.  I was having anxiety.  I mean seriously, things like the friggin Clear B*lue Easy Pee Stick commercial were making my stomach turn.  I just hit a wall and felt blah.  Going away on Friday with the family helped a lot.  It was great to be gone and many laughs were had. 

Monday when I got home I learned that I will not have to pay the $700 to redo a form and that was good.  Very Good.  Then I possibly got the wedding I was hoping for.  She said it was mine and now I am just waiting on them to pick a package and then sign the contract.  So technically it isn’t over until they sign….  But I am hopeful.

Today I went to see my little cousin/sorta niece graduate 8th grade.  It was fun.  I can’t believe how grown up she is and I am sitting here wondering where the time has gone.  Now I feel like dookie again.  Well not dookie, just frustrated at my life.  I know it will all work out in the end.  But the emotional side of me sometimes overrides the logical side and I feel overwhelmed.  I am done with this merry-go-round.  I want to get off!  Seriously.  No Joke.  I just want to get to the other side.  I don’t get why some days are harder than others.  I hate that.  I hate feeling out of control with my emotions.  Sometimes, like tonight, I think of what my life would be life if I had done this or had done that.  I think about my regrets and mistakes.  I think about what it will be like a year from now.  I wonder if I will be in Kaz or in between visits or maybe home with a child.  I try really hard not to think that I will be sitting just like this night, sad and alone.  I hope not. 

This terrible rainy weather isn’t doing much for me either.  I need sun.  I need to take walks in the sun and feel it on my face.  I need to sit in the pool listening to the kids play and feeling my cheeks burn.  I need to hear the hum of the fan going in the family room since I don’t have A/C.  I really just need a break and something super duper fabulous to happen so I can remember how it feels to be giddy.


4 thoughts on “The Good, The Bad and the Weather….

  1. Getting $700 back in your pocket is always nice. Hang in there…this delay is probably just hitting you in different ways…at different times.

    Getting Jiggy With It? Who lives next door to you? Carlton Banks?

  2. So did you go ahead and get your dossier in to the counsolet? We sent our on the 14th just as they said they would not take anymore. So far it is still there and our agency said the ended up requesting all of the ones that they had ready. The last day the could turn them in was on the 25th. We are in limbo but feeling positive at this point that it will clear.

  3. I feel your pain and I’m so sorry. Just remember, there will be a day when you’ll be so busy with kids that you forget all about this…or maybe you wish you could get just 10 minutes of the peace and quiet back 🙂

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