I know life is never easy and many days I feel like my choice to be a mom has been unusually hard. 4 years and counting… so much heartache, so much frustration, so many changes, so many decisions. Some days I wonder will I ever get there… will it really all be worth it. Now, these are things my head says and in my heart, I know it will be.
My life is my family. I LOVE my niece Ava and my nephew Ryan with everything I am. They are my world and the one thing in my life that is a guaranteed smile. I see them several times a week. Some days it is only for 20 minutes. Those are the days I follow my sister to our Mothers house where she picks them up after we get off of work (we get off at 4 everyday). Those days go something like this… We both pull up and park. We walk in, the kids are normally in the backyard either riding bikes or playing with their animal figurines in the water features. Debbie says “Hi Guys” and they yell back, “Hi Mommy!!” and then I like to follow it up with, “Hey There How’s It Going?!” and that ALWAYS triggers a stop in play a look up, a big surprised face, dropping of whatever they were doing and a “Aunt Tracey!!!!!!!!” as they run full speed to jump on, hug and kiss me. It really is the BEST feeling in the world. I never get tired of it.
Now, with that, Ava is now 6 , she will be 7 in April. Ryan is 4 and will be 5 in Feb. This journey started 4 years ago in hopes that I be a mom and the kids would grow up close in age and love. I know after this adoption that I will be able to afford another one unless I win the lotto. I don’t know if and when I will ever find the right man to marry. And, as the blog history shows, pregnancy and me, well we just don’t work. So, odds are this will be my only child. And I am totally okay with that. I had two visions of motherhood growing up. And it is funny that these were the two scenarios: 1) I would turn 30 and if not married, get PG with donor sperm and have one child. 2) I would get married and we would have 3 or 4 kids. With turning 37 just around the corner (2 months away).. I’m thinking becoming a mother to 4 anytime soon is in the works. Alright… I am totally blabbing.. TO.THE.POINT. I am going to increase my adoption age. I have to redo my homestudy with the change in country. I am interested in hearing from anyone who has adoption a non-toddler which I would gather is 3-5 years?? I talked to one family that recently adopted a 5yo. She was and I know will be very helpful. I am also going to head to the library and get some books… Any suggestions out there???
So where am I right now in this conversion process you ask? Of course there is paperwork and I am hopeful that will all get done in the month of October. I have it all from my Kaz dossier. I just need to re-apostille it for Russia. There are also a few applications/form for Russia vs Kaz that need to be completed. I will of course keep everyone in the loop on the happs.