I know life is never easy and many days I feel like my choice to be a mom has been unusually hard.  4 years and counting…  so much heartache, so much frustration, so many changes, so many decisions.  Some days I wonder will I ever get there… will it really all be worth it.  Now, these are things my head says and in my heart, I know it will be.

My life is my family.  I LOVE my niece Ava and my nephew Ryan with everything I am.  They are my world and the one thing in my life that is a guaranteed smile.  I see them several times a week.  Some days it is only for 20 minutes.  Those are the days I follow my sister to our Mothers house where she picks them up after we get off of work (we get off at 4 everyday).  Those days go something like this…  We both pull up and park.  We walk in, the kids are normally in the backyard either riding bikes or playing with their animal figurines in the water features.  Debbie says “Hi Guys” and they yell back, “Hi Mommy!!” and then I like to follow it up with, “Hey There How’s It Going?!” and that ALWAYS triggers a stop in play a look up, a big surprised face, dropping of whatever they were doing and a “Aunt Tracey!!!!!!!!” as they run full speed to jump on, hug and kiss me.  It really is the BEST feeling in the world.  I never get tired of it.

Now, with that, Ava is now 6 , she will be 7 in April.  Ryan is 4 and will be 5 in Feb.  This journey started 4 years ago in hopes that I be a mom and the kids would grow up close in age and love.  I know after this adoption that I will be able to afford another one unless I win the lotto.  I don’t know if and when I will ever find the right man to marry.  And, as the blog history shows, pregnancy and me, well we just don’t work.  So, odds are this will be my only child.  And I am totally okay with that.  I had two visions of motherhood growing up.  And it is funny that these were the two scenarios:  1) I would turn 30 and if not married, get PG with donor sperm and have one child.  2) I would get married and we would have 3 or 4 kids.  With turning 37 just around the corner (2 months away).. I’m thinking becoming a mother to 4 anytime soon is in the works.  Alright… I am totally blabbing.. TO.THE.POINT.  I am going to increase my adoption age.   I have to redo my homestudy with the change in country.  I am interested in hearing from anyone who has adoption a non-toddler which I would gather is 3-5 years??  I talked to one family that recently adopted a 5yo.  She was and I know will be very helpful.  I am also going to head to the library and get some books… Any suggestions out there???

So where am I right now in this conversion process you ask?  Of course there is paperwork and I am hopeful that will all get done in the month of October.  I have it all from my Kaz dossier.  I just need to re-apostille it for Russia.  There are also a few applications/form for Russia vs Kaz that need to be completed.  I will of course keep everyone in the loop on the happs.


4 thoughts on “Neverending…

  1. Tracey,
    We adopted a 3 1/2 yr old in spring/summer of 2009 from Taraz, Kazakhstan. We orginially were hoping for a toddler or younger age child but fell in love with this little boys picture. Needless to say we were very anxious about adopting and older child. Communication was our biggest concern and was probably the biggest issue. It was a short lived issue though. We attempted to learn as much Russian as we could, specifically focusing on words and phrases we would need to communicate with our child. Turned out our boy used a mix of Russian and Kazakh mixed in with just typical child jibberish. Althoug he was 3 1/2 he was at about the level of a 2- 2 1/2 year old when we met him. His vocabulary was not very large but his understanding was closer to age appropriate in his native language. You will be amazed at other ways you can find to communicate.

    Since we have been back he has also picked up some sign language through skill. Others have suggested and/or used sign language to communicate with older children. I am amazed at how quickly he picked up social english once he was home. I attribute alot of it to our having enrolled him in a structured pre-school program.

    I found a large amount of our behavior issues with him in the first year mainly stemmed from frustration in trying to communicate needs/wants/feelings. The frustration was a two way street.

    Bottomline, I would highly recommend adopting an older child. It was intimidating to say the least but well worth it. We really don’t miss the fact that we didn’t have to change diapers, worry about potty training, late night feedings and other things that go along with babies and toddlers. I guess I got enough of that with my nieces and nephews and friends babies.

    If you wish to chat more feel free to email me at

  2. Hello,
    My husband and I just returned in May of this year with our 3 children from Ust-Kamenogorsk, Kazakhstan. They are ages 7, 5 and just turned 1, so we are on both ends of the age spectrum (older and younger). This was a LONG awaited experience, and one we did not exactly plan on in the early stages of our adoption journey. (We thought we only wanted 1 child–a toddler girl–and even though we got 3 kids–none of them was a toddler girl!!)
    Now, looking back we would not change a thing. Cliche, but true. We were worried about the “older two” and all of the “issues” they might have. Ha!! They are the two sweetest, easiest and most loving kids ever. (As an aside–the baby is the one who is a total pistol!! But still so loving)
    I cannot say enough about the beautiful children we encountered in the baby house (up to age 4) and the preschool orphange (ages 5-8). Amazing, amazing kids and we would have taken 3 others if the Kaz government would have let us.
    Of course, there are bad days. The kids are not perfect, and there is a different element of “getting acquainted” with older children. They have a personality–you get to KNOW it, but not really to CHANGE it. 🙂 And to say it is an adjustment…well YES it is. We went from 0 kids to 3.
    I guess my point is–don’t be afraid of a slightly older child than you originally planned on. Sometimes our “plans” are not what is best in the end. Feel free to e-mail me if you would like or have questions. My e-mail is
    All the best,

  3. As always, I can’t wait to hear more. It blows my mind that you haven’t been snatched up by someone b/c I think you’re pretty awesome. I have no experience with adoption, but I have always thought that adopting an older child would be wonderful. I’m not sure what the conditions are like, but I always imagined that the older kids just resigned themselves to the fact that people wanted the babies and that they’d never get adopted. I can’t even begin to think of the happiness that an older kid would experience finding out he/she was going to be adopted. You’re an angel…

  4. Sounds like you are getting some awesome feedback my dear! Good luck to you whatever you decide.. as I know you will always be a fabulous mommy no matter what the age is!!! Love ya girlie!

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