I never know…

By nature I am a pretty organized person.  I like to maintain lists of what to do and cross them off as they are done.  I have been known to place post its by the computer with dates to follow up or check in.  With adoption, there are many things to keep track of.  There are documents, contact numbers to obtain said documents, addresses of where to go to pick up documents, expiration dates on documents.  I try to keep tabs on all of this.  When I started this adoption journey, my agency and I fit like a glove.  They gave out a handy flow chart that was colorful and contained time estimates.. all sorts of things an organized list maker like me would love. 

In October, when I decided to switch from Kaz to Russia, I began working with a new agency that “merged” with my original agency.  It was pretty seamless and it didn’t cost me any additional fees.  The new agency is not huge but I do believe they know what they are doing.  However, I don’t get the super organized touch base attention to detail that I was used to with my original agency.  I am always the one touching base, checking in and following up.  I never know if I am being a pest or annoying by doing so.  I don’t want to be a pest.  I don’t want to be annoying.  But I also know I am my only real advocate.  If I don’t ask the questions, or follow up and something falls thru the cracks, it affects me only and so I try to touch base and check in every 7-10 days.  Sometimes I feel bad about doing so.  Sometimes I feel like I am trying to rush something.  Sometimes I feel bad for not trusting that they know how to do their job.  I know they know what they are doing… but I worry.  I worry and I can’t help it.

Last week I called to check in.  Instead of talking to my coordinator (she was out) I got to talk to the director of the agency.  She is Russian.  It was great to talk to her.  When I had to turn down my last referral, she hopped on the call and shared her concerns with me.  I trust she knows what she is talking about.  This past Friday, when I spent roughly 10 min on the phone with her I felt better than ever that when I do get a referral, it will be the right one.  Where I still have worry is WHEN.. WHEN WILL THE REFERRAL GET HERE???  Will they be able to work on it while they coordinate home families for the Journey of Hope?  Will they be able to obtain a referral since clientele is down and the referrals go to the bigger agencies??? 

I know this… I have now been on the adoption road for over a  year.  I guessed I would be near done by now.  My guess is I am still a year away from finishing.  The thought of that makes me sad.  I don’t want to rush, but I am tired of waiting.  BLAH

In other news, my weight loss is going FANTASTIC!  I am down 15 pounds.  I have roughly 40 more to go to be back to my ideal weight where I look and feel fantastic.  I already have a ton more energy.  I am drinking a lot of water and my skin is better than it has been in years.  I need a haircut BAD.  But I don’t get one until the week of April 18th.  It is going to be my treat for doing so good with my new lifestyle.  It really hasn’t been that hard.  I mean don’t get me wrong… I daydream of chocolate cake with buttercream frosting or banana cupcakes with cream cheese.  But for now, I just need to keep backing away from the sweets and focus on healthy.  Soon enough, I will be at a point where I can indulge at times in a piece of sugary heaven.  But right now, I just can’t. 

So, that is about it… at least for today 🙂  Happy Tuesday!


5 thoughts on “I never know…

  1. Thanks…now I want banana cupcakes and I’ve never had them in my life. The weight loss sounds great.

    You are absolutely right…you ARE your only advocate. Your dedication is going to pay off…if only I could tell you when.

  2. Ah, the wait. Definitely the hardest part of the process. Wish there was some great advice but all I can say is it isn’t easy, but it will be worth it. Hopefully soon! Crossing my finger for you! Erin

  3. I remember those days of trying not to call my agency…it was SO hard! The doubting their ability to make it come true for me continued until the judge said “yes”. Stay busy and keep your eye on the prize…it will happen, but clearly, not on your timetable!! : ) Quaintance

  4. I’m ready for Apple to be home, and for this seemingly endless wait to be over for you. As hard as it’s been for you this past year, it’s also hard to watch..and know that I can’t do anything to help you. I know you’re going to be such a good mommy TFra.
    I am so proud of your weight loss, and your freakish focus. Love you girl!

  5. Might I say you are looking like one HOT mama wannabe! LOL

    It sucks that this process is taking forever but it just means that your lil one waiting for you isn’t ready yet. I can’t wait for that day when you come home (I will have ballons and said banana cake w/ cream cheese frosting in hand, and my mess of kids) and we are at the aiport waiting for you. We should probably rent a limo so we can celebrate on all the way home… Your lil one will be afraid of all of us since we are a loud and rowdy bunch but we will love him with all of our hearts… I say him cuz thats what we always say, who knows a him can turn at to be a she….

    Love ya sissie!

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