Well as I mentioned last week I had to go back to work… I’m working way more than I would like. My boss has said I can take extra time off once it slows down and he is also giving us 4 days in December at his fancy cabin in Tahoe. But, I still have guilt and tonight I boiled over.
Now, I KNOW I’m lucky that I have my mother and grandmother at home to watch Vera while I work. I am so grateful because they love her to bits and pay tons of attention to her. They have even been good to follow my strict instructions on allowable foods and timing, etc. Now clearly Vera is feeling more comfortable with them as she has started napping. Well today at 4 when I went to pick her up….she was still napping. Apparently she napped late. 2:30 is when she fell asleep. I don’t know why… But immediately I was like, “are you kidding?”. And in my head I wanted to scream something like, “why would you let her nap past 3:30.” I may have even said something close to that and I stormed inside and woke her up immediately. Then I was irritated because she was asleep on the couch. I mean its one thing to sometimes fall asleep there, but everyday? I dunno… Im just irked. Nap-time is after lunch. If you lay her down in a bed, and she doesn’t sleep, then she missed her opportunity. Is that too harsh?? I don’t know….
On top of that she wanted to bring every toy under the sun home and I had to keep saying No and that made her cry and that made me feel like … “Great I pick her up and say no and make her cry… Shes gonna hate me picking her up”. I mean these two say YES to everything. So why not like them more….??? Maybe cuz I’m sick with a cold, maybe because work is so stressful or maybe it’s just the overwhelming guilt and worry that she will like them more then me…. But I cried all the way home… Hysterically. I called Debbie and she understood my frustration. I then calmed down and called my mom and explained to her that I need HER to tell Vera no when she wants to take toys that are not ours home. I mean I know grandparents like to say yes to everything and when they aren’t your daycare provider, thats cool… But when they are… They can’t always be the good guy.
Am I over reacting???? Any insight and tips are appreciated. Maybe even a few hugs to remind me that this is normal? I dunno… Why can’t I just win the lotto so I can stay home and enjoy the whole day with her??? I know this…. When I am away from work, I enjoy spending ,my free time with her… Saturday we are going to check out a local farm with a group of old friends and their kiddies. It’s a great feeling, that feeling of being comfortable and like you are a part of something you always dreamt of….
Besides the above, I am doing good as is Vera. She has her terrible two moments, but nothing out of the ordinary. Tonight she was a little fussy but she has a cold too. People are always amazed at how attached she is to me and that makes me feel good, like things are on the right track. We saw the speech therapist and she said Vera is doing good and her being behind is normal for her situation. We will go back in a couple of weeks just to check in.
What else…. That’s really about it… Think I’ll take some nyquil and hit the hay! In the meantime, I will leave you with a picture of my darling daughter. Remember the girl who hated water and the bathroom….well that girl now lays in the bath water pretending to float/swim…. Boy summer is going to be fun!!!! Anyway, a little pic from bath time the other night…..