Vera will start Preschool in a couple of weeks. We have one more trip planned next week before we buckle down for the fall and take joy in the local fun here in the bay area. I LOVE the fall. It is a beautiful time and well, it is our Family/Gotcha Day, Vera’s Bday, my niece Nyah’s Bday, Halloween, my sisters Bday, Thanksgiving, my Bday and of course Xmas. So we have lots to celebrate as the year comes to an end 🙂 Did I mention I love this time of year??
I know I have mentioned before how well Vera has done on attachment with me. She wants nothing to do with strangers (i.e. people who say Hi randomly to her or show her attention at the park or store). It wasn’t until recently that she finally let my sister in and showed her real affection. She is good with my close friends but isn’t one to follow them and leave me. She needs to know I am there at all times. She trusts me more than I could have ever hoped for.
Vera started gymnastics last week. It is a sort of Mom n Me class and the parents follow instructions and take their children thru the exercises. Last week it was Vera and I and two other kiddos and their moms. Vera did great and I was very proud with how far she has come. She is a fantastic listener and follows directions well. She is SO strong in her legs now. People always comment on her “dancer” legs. Yesterday, it was just Vera and I in the class so Coach Torr*y was able to give Vera one on one time. Vera was very anxious about this as she walked off with what is essentially a stranger to her. I stayed very close as Vera was watching for me and I could see the fear in her eyes. Coach was great in relating to her though and I could see Vera slowly relaxing and that made me happy.
The above brings me to a few worries with starting preschool with regards to Vera. As I mentioned, Vera will NOT respond to strangers. If someone she doesn’t know asks her her name, she will sit and stare blankly at them or run to me. I am a little nervous how she will be with her teacher. Preschool is Mon/Wed/Fri from 9-12. We have a “meet your teacher” day the Wednesday before she starts so hopefully that will help make her teach not a total stranger in her mind. Did anyone else have an issue with their child basically shutting down with regards to unfamiliar people? Also, I know this was a discussion we just had on a mom board regarding telling or not telling the teacher about the adoption. I am going to visit with the teacher one on one prior to the start of class to give her some insight on Vera and her adoption as I think it will help her understand Vera’s fears a bit more.
The second issue is Vera is very insecure. If she can’t do something right the first time, the tears start and frustration and anger set in. I have learned that with her I need to go to her, ask her to calm down and try again. Normally she doesn’t want to try again, but I am insistant she does. When we do it together, and she completes whatever it was, she is so happy and we hug and then we do it again and again. Normally we leave it after a few successful tries and then we do it again an hour or so later and BAM now she knows the skill and all is well and we climbed that hurdle. This can be anything from cutting out a shape or jumping. I worry that in class, she may be asked to do something and the water works will start if she psychs herself out that she can’t do it.
My final worry is Vera not being able to handle being told “no”. Coach Torr*y asked her last week to come off the floor since class was over (Vera had wandered there while I was filling out paperwork). The tears immediately began flowing and she ran to me. It is like her feelings were hurt. This happens whenever a person other than myself tells her no. I explain to her the persons reasoning when this happens but I don’t know what else I can do. I also wonder if this is only the case because I am there. For example, when she is at preschool, will any of this happen since I am not there?
So, any and all advice would be appreciated 🙂
In the meantime, here is a little video of my sweet girl. We are coming up on ONE YEAR together. MAN that went fast…. Better start working on the then and now post! Have a great day!