Actions of One…..

Even though on my post last Friday I got my first not so nice comment due to posting information on this…. I don’t care.  I am doing it again.  Because yesterday, Russia has SUSPENDED all adoptions to Americans until the two countries can agree on procedures.  (

I am not familiar with all of the procedures involved in Russian adoptions.  I do know that International Adoptions, all Adoptions in general, are not easy.  I know I have gone through layers of clearances, classes, providing documentation to verify home ownership and banking good standing.  I have asked friends for reference letters and reference forms.  I have asked my Dr to complete paperwork for two different organizations and asked him to photocopy his medical license to prove that he really is a Dr.  I have worked late nights and weekends editing and proofing pictures to make extra money for all sorts of expenses.  I have found Guardians for my future child and have a letter stating who said Guardians are.  Those Guardians have also been asked to provide a letter accepting the Guardianship.  I have letters stating that I agree to provide post home studies.  I have a second letter stating that I have pre-paid for said home studies.  I have copies of social workers licenses and agency licenses.  I have taken live classes and online classes.  I have given a ton of time to adoption as I did when I researched fertility procedures.  I have been relentless. 

Just as Nadya Suleman, who gave birth to 8 babies, gave single mothers by choice as well as anyone using Fertility Assistance a bad name.  Ms. Torry Hanson of Tennessee has (in my opinion) damaged my credibility as well.  But more than that she has screwed up the process for so many families here in America.  And lets not forget about the children in Russia who will now have to wait longer for their forever families.  Last year more than 1800 children were adopted by Americans from Russia.  1800 people.  Today no adoptions will happen for Americans in Russia. 

I am adopting from Kazakhstan and apparently, the actions of this ONE idiot American (and I am embarrassed that she is an American) are having an effect all over.  A fellow blogger and her husband (Hi Dust and Cort) are in Kaz right.  The difficult questions that adopting parents are asked have now become more difficult and more complicated.  Ms Hansen’s actions inevitably are effecting the entire International community. 

Now……Yowsa, (the commenter from last weekend and you can see the comment on last Fridays post) before you comment again and tell me how if I had a child with RAD I would be singing a different tune……  let me tell you this.  You are WRONG!  I don’t have any delusions about International Adoption.  It is not easy and there are issues that will arise.  Those issues may be minor and they may be major.  The first indicator of issues in this situation is that the child was 7 years old.  The second was that he had been in an institution his whole life.  The transition was obviously going to be tough.  It sounds as if she did not have a good plan for this child and in my opinion she didn’t take the issues that could potentially arise seriously, nor was she prepared to deal with them.  I can imagine that is impossible to emotionally prepare for these issues.  I get that.  But I also know as a parent, you don’t give up on your child.  EVER.  This woman gave up after 6 months.  6 months!  Even more disturbing is that  it sounds as if she did not reach out to her agency nor any other professionals for assistance.  Even if the  boy (and he DID NOT) blew up the house, that is no excuse to do what she did.  Placing a 7 year old on a plane to Russia for a STRANGER to pick up and take him to the Ministry of Eduction is absurd.  She did that because she had guilt and this allowed her the opportunity to turn her head and not be accountable.  Even more disturbing is that her mother agreed with her that this was a good plan.  So Yowsa, while I appreciate you reading my blog and commenting, I don’t appreciate that at any level you would condone her actions.  It sounds as if you are an adoptive parent.  Imagine how you would feel today knowing that your dream as a parent is official “ON HOLD” due to this womans actions.

I don’t know if I have a single reader who is adopting from Russia… if I do, please let me know if there is anything I can do to help. 

Torry Hansen, if you read this by any chance, I hope that the rumors in the media regarding a second adoption that you began pursuing prior to returning this child, are untrue.  I imagine at this point it wouldn’t happen for you anyway.  I also hope you do make a statement soon.  A statement to apologize to everyone whose adoption you jeopardized.


7 thoughts on “Actions of One…..

  1. Thank you – well said. I am kinda tired of people somewhat excusing (or explaining) this woman’s behavior because the child wasn’t bio or because she hadn’t yet bonded. When you take on parenthood – regardless of whether is bio or adoption – you have an obligation to that child to protect them and get them help if there are issues – through thick and thin. And not “give up” after a few months. I am not naive that bio as well as adoptive parents sometimes do need to place their children in a different home to get them the care they need… but this isn’t what happened. And I am as sick as everyone else how this has blown up and impacted so many other responsible adoptive parents. Good luck with your process!

  2. Wow. I hadn’t heard of that but how incredibly sad and how irresponsible she was. So sad for others waiting that those actions will affect so many other people.

  3. I posted about this too…it’s heartbreaking…it’s amazing people’s reactions to it too…so different. Hang in there and I hope things go smoothly for your friends who are there right now…I just can’t imagine.

  4. Heard it this morning on the news Tracey. I feel for those parents whose dreams are now on hold.

  5. Apparently, adoptions from Russia have NOT been suspended, CBS Channel 5 and CBC have now corrected their previous reports.

    I guess we will have to wait and see a little longer.

  6. You wrote that very well Tracey. I agree with every word you typed.
    I hope and pray so hard you dont have to wait any longer than you already have.
    After adopting TWO babies now, I could NEVER, N-E-V-E-R imagine giving them back. Granted, I dont know what this lady has gone trough, but, really?

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