One Week and Counting!

So, today I went in for bloodwork and a lining check.  Being a week out my lining was 8.2.  My RE said it was good.  Then, the clinic in SD called to say … keep your meds the same.  Your bloodwork looks great.  Your lining was a little thin.  We would like to see it at 9.0 so go back in on Friday for another check.  SOO… I know each clinic has different likes and dislikes and I know that I have a whole week to thicken my space up.. but you know.. when you don’t fall into “expected” it kinda hurts. 

So, I will go in on Friday again and see what happens.  I expect everything to be fine.. so lets see.  I kinda thought today was early anyway for a lining check because I have only had 2 shots of the estrogen shizz… 

I did have an infertile moment at the doc today.  I was glowing in what I thought was a successful appt and alongside me to pay and checkout comes a very happy smiling couple.. in hand.. an u/s picture.  The smile was huge and I knew what it meant and I put my head down and prayed the gal would charge my card quickly and I could get out not hearing about it.. but it happened.. she yells out “TWINS” and I wanted to turn around and kick her in the teeth.  I wanted to steal her u/s pick and make it my own and live her life for the day.  UGH.. terrible I know.. Normal I know.  I just want to be that oh so happy woman checking out in a few weeks!

Busy Week

So this week is going to be busy for sure.  I have TONS of work to do since I will be out all next week.  School will be starting on September 3rd so I need to run and buy books this week for that.  Oh, I need to maybe run out and pick up a couple of things for my trip to San Diego (maybe some new capris and a new shirt).  I need to get my brows waxed and my toes done… what else..???  Oh pick up pet supplies (treats, litter, that sort of thing).  That is probably about it! 

On Wed I am scheduled for a lining check.  I need to make that appt today.  I am sure the week will go QUICKLY!!  AHHH!!

13 days until transfer (updated)

Well, you know how I have said repeatedly that this clinics protocol is VERY different, well that continues.  I am not saying it is bad.. I actually enjoy the change of pace.  Who knows.. it could be the thing that works. 

Anyhoo.. I spoke to my coordinator last night and I got the medicine rundown (FINALLY!).  It goes like this and it starts today,  Thursday August 14th:

Delestrog*en Shot  - (.3) Thursdays and Sundays
Doxycy*cline Pill - 1 pill 2 times per day (there are 34 pills in the bottle)
Dexameth*asone - 1/2 pill one tme per day(there are 30 1/2 pills in the bottle)
Baby Aspirin - 1 pill one time per day

I am to continue with my prenats and such as normal.  Isn’t that a strange protocol?  I totally like it though  :-)  There is just something about it that stands out and makes me go.. hmm.. different is good.

I am VERY excited for my trip to SD.  Like the title says, xnsfer is set for the 27th of August.  Wanna know what is ironic about that?????   THAT WAS MY DUE DATE FROM MY MISCARRIAGE IN JANUARY!!!!  It makes me think good and bad thoughts.. mostly, I try to think that the Love Bug that was is going to be with the embryos on that day and give them direction and guidance and strength.  Once I have my transfer I will lay low for 3 days.  Then, we head home on Sat. 

So there is the latest (AHHH!!!  so exciting).  I have a lining check on the 20th.. lets see how that goes!  Happy Thursday Friends!!

UPDATE:  Thanks to the Bster I realized I left off folga*rd and Lu*pron.  DUH!  So in addition to the above I take folgard once per day and .5 of Lupron.  Thanks for noticing b-doll!

CD 1 (again)

Well today is CD 1 and now I ramp up for the FET.  SD clinic is very different than the clinic here (I know I have said that before).  They want me to do bloodwork on day 3 and then start my meds.. I think.  Their protocol is sooo different than what I know.  It is hard because I LOVE to have a schedule and with their protocol, there are not a lot of instructions or dates to scribble down.  All I know today is that I am to get bloodwork done.  She mentioned in her email to me an U/S but I just had one on Friday and I don’t think she noticed that.  It seems odd that they would send me for an U/S 5 days after I just had one.  Of course, IVF coordinator only worked 1/2 day today so I missed her with my response email (grrrr). 

I think my meds will arrive tomorrow and I normally look forward to that.. but I am very nervous and uneasy today.  I think the different protocol is throwing me.  I just want.. actually I just NEED this to work.  This has to work.  PLEASE???

All systems go..

Well, yesterday I flew to SD for the day.  I had an appt at the clinic there.  I got in at 8, got my rental car, and then just drove around since I hadn’t been there in about 10 years.  I checked out the hotel I have made reservations at for the last week of August, I drove through pacific beach and la jolla and then found the clinic and then sat and waited for my 11AM appt. 

I walked in and right away the differences were noticeable.  This clinic is smaller but still very nice.  The staff is SUPER friendly and talkative.  At my clinic here, it is very quiet and professional.  No one speaks of babies nor are there pictures of any in the lobby.  This clinic.. they had a big ol’ plasma TV that had a slide show going of success pictures.  There is a photo album on the table of xmas cards from past clients.  It was great to see that stuff.  It made me smile and gave me hope.

I was called back and they took my BP and weight and asked me to pee in a cup … just to be sure I wasn’t pregnant.  I laughed and said sure.  LOL!!!  Of course, I had pottied just before I went to the office not knowing that I would have to do that… I sat there with the cuppie and I willed every last drop of pee that was in my bladder out.  I got just about enough to cover the tip of a pee stick.. but plenty if you used an eye dropper test or tilted the cup to one direction.  ANYWAY… after that I went in the room and got halfway naked and waited.  I waited A LONG TIME.  FINALLY.. the doc and nurse came in.  I was F-N burning up cuz the room was hot (and I was hungry).  I was told the hysteroscopy hurt less than the HSG.  My HSG didn’t hurt one bit… so I thought.. this will be a breeze.  It started and HOLY MOTHER F-R.  I was not prepared for that… but I took the pain like a true stirrup sister (anything for the sake of a baby) and soon enough it was over.  After that I had a mock transfer and a baseline.  They offered me up some pain meds after if the cramping was too bad… but I declined.  It would pass, and in a few short minutes, it did. 

Next I was off to see the super nice coordinator (who is a former IF patient).  The med protocol at this clinic is different than at my clinic here.  Instead of estrodi*ol pills, they use shots.  So, we ordered up my meds, I was told to STOP BCP’s and wait for the period.  Monday they will talk to the embriologist and get her schedule and from there pick the thawing day.  Isn’t that STRANGE!?!?!  Then they will call me and let me know.  I made sure to request the last week of August since that is what I had calculate and that is when Deb got childcare for the kiddos.  I told them anytime that week.  They will write orders for a lining check and I will get that checked here at my clinic before the big trip and in 4 short weeks… I will be in SD for a week, enjoying the vacation, lounging at the hotel and getting knocked up!!  (FINGERS, TOES, EYES.. anything that I can possible crossed it crossed). 

So, after the appt, I drove back to pacific beach and ate lunch at a restaurant on the beach.  I had me some fish and chips :-)  After that I walked over to the very crowded beach and just watched and listened.  Soon it was time to drive back to the airport.  At 6PM, I was back in San Jose and headed home.  I was pooped as I hardly slept a wink the night before.  My brain was on overload. 

Last night I slept great.  I had some weird dreams.  But I slept solid for like 10 hours!  Today I am going with Debbie and the kids to visit an old (TRUE) friend whom we haven’t seen in ages.  We are excited.  It should be great fun.  Tomorrow.. I need to clean my messy ass house! 

Hugs and Love to all of you’s!

What about your friends…

I haven’t written about friendships IRL lately.. well because, I pretty much don’t talk to any of the girls I hung out with before.  There was Lena, Linda, Loretta and Elayna.  “The Girls”.  Well each has at one point said something (well.. with the exception of Elayna) that wasn’t so kind to an infertile.  Nonetheless, I chalked it up to ignorance.  Elayna got married back in October and her husband Joe is BFF’s with Lena’s husband Greg.  So naturally, the two of them started spending more time together.  And in groups of friends.. it is like that.. you bounce back and forth and at times you spend more time with one person vs another.  No big deal.  

In February, Debbie had a birthday party for Ryan, Elanya and Linda showed up but Lena had some elaborate excuse (given to us by Elayna since Elayna was staying at her house).  It was BS and I knew it.  The excuse had to do with her Dad’s sickness.  So, I sent an email a few days after the party saying.. “sorry about your Dad I hope all turns out well.. and I can’t believe Gunner is going to be ONE YEAR OLD in a couple of months”.  She responded with a “thanks for the concern and I can’t believe it either”.  I never heard from her again.  I had been taken off the email list of monthly pictures of Gunner (was it because she thought it would hurt me too much??  Not that seeing pix of ANYONES kids hurts me  I love kids and I wouldn’t wish my hardship on anyone so I genuinely enjoy seeing pix of others babies).  I thought it was weird, but honestly, I wasn’t going to lose any sleep over it.  Months go by and Elayna visits many times without telling me.  I only find out because Linda mentions it when her and I have a brief conversation.  Whatever.. true colors are coming out.  A few weeks ago, Debbie runs into Lena at T*arget.  They visit and chit chat and Lena doesn’t ask about me ONCE.  I thought that was VERY weird.  So I called Elayna and ask her what the problem is.  She tries to say she doesn’t know, but I distinctly remember one conversation back in Feb or March (and I think she was tipsy on the phone) when Elayna said something to the effect of “I am so sad that my wedding caused so many problems for everyone”.  At the time I thought it was sillie.. but now I am wondering.  So, when Elayna says she has NO idea was is wrong.. I know she is full of shit. 

Then, yesterday, I am talking to Linda and she mentions a brunch that Lena had a couple of weeks ago and Elayna was there and Loretta was there.  Hmmmmm I wasn’t invited.  I don’t say anything and I just simmer a bit.  I was done talking to Linda and told Deb about it.  She was pissed too.  I mean these people ACTED like my friends.. but when I go through shit.. because I don’t necessary feel like going grocery shopping or to T*arget or Sushi or the Outlets with you, I become “excluded”.  F- them! 

Anyway.. to make this long story a bit shorter, Debbie called Elayna.  I wasn’t about to, because I would chew her up and spit her out and she is very sensitive.  I don’t want to hurt her feelings.  But I want to tell her that things are F-d up.  Elayna says she was surprised when I wasnt’ there at the brunch and asked Lena why I had not been invited.  Her answer “she doesn’t WANT to be here”.  WFT??  Then goes on to say something about something I did at the shower or the wedding pissed her off and she isn’t ready to talk to me.  AHAHAHHAHAH  Ummmm  first off.. Lets grow up.  When you are mad or have a problem with what your FRIEND did or said… you tell them.  I have washed my hands of that friendship.  I don’t need friends like that.   I have too much shit in my life WORTH worrying over .. this is stupid. 

I mean honestly.. my friends Amy and Melody.  I hardly see them and talk to them once a month. I have known them since I was 2 years old.  I am 34 now.. that is a friendship.  My blogland friends and especially my MAMU buddies.  Maybe I have been busy and preoccupied with my own struggles and life right now.. maybe I haven’t commented as much as I have in the past.  But I think of you guys ALL the time.  I don’t think any of you would drop me that fast because I haven’t called or texted or anything would you?? 

I guess it is just a lesson.  When times get tough you learn who your true friends are….  I know that this was a totally long blog.. but I wanted to get it out.  I honestly feel like you all understand the pain that I have gone though.  You understand the whole in my life and my heart at this time.  I don’t know.. I would never be that way to someone and I don’t get how anyone can be that way…. It is crazy.

So enough of that!  One more week until I am in SD for the day.  Oh and when I am there for the week at the end of August…..Friendamy.. I would LOVE to meet up!  Do I have any other SD readers??  I don’t think so .. but if so.. LET ME KNOW!!!   I can’t believe that the FET is in a MONTH!!!  Gosh I hope this is it!!!

Rolling Rolling Rolling…

Well, sorry so long since my last post!!  Vacation was a BLAST!  I had the best time ever.  We tubed, we laughed, we played with the kids.. all sorts of fun was had.  Then, we got home and on Sat we had a big ol family BBQ at Debbie’s house.  My little cousins spent Fri-Sat with me and helped me paint the guest room and their help was very much appreciated. 

Now, I am back at work and it ain’t so bad.  Funny how vacation does that to you…  refreshes you and brings you back to life! 

I spoke with the RE, Dr. W at the La Jolla clinic and he was great.  Very nice and very excited to have me as a patient.  He suggested I come in for a mock transfer and a hysteroscopy.  So, I will go in on August 1st for that and a quick baseline since they will be all up in there.  Then, we will solidify the transfer date.  It is going to be about a week behind what I originally thought.  I put myself on a downgrade and they were okay with it.. Only thing is I am going to draw out my period until AFTER next week so I have to stay on pills for a week longer.. no biggie. 

I am pretty nervous today about it all and I need to relax.  I think I will go with Debbie to the park with the kids after work.. that will help relax me :-)  

So, there is the latest and greatest.  I will upload some pix tonight or tomorrow morning from my vacation.

Vacation Time!

Well bloggies…  I am heading out camping again for a few days!  WHOOHOO.. should be fun and this time I will make sure to get equal shots of Ava and Ryan!  LOL.  My cousin Monique is heading there to meet us on Tuesday.  I will be gone until Thursday morning.  :-)  No work.. no problems… ahhhhh  If you miss me, think of me sitting in a chair, black and white polka dot swimsuit, bandana on head to cover up my frizzies and a Miller Lite Chill in my hand and my feet in the water.  I’ll try to get a picture of just that when I am there! 

Oh and EDL and I are going to meet on Thursday evening to get real live wet signatures.  My phone appt with the RE is on Friday and I am SOO excited.  Just a bit over a month to go!!!! 

Alright.. have a great weekend everyone!  Talk to ya next week!

WHEW….

Well, the weekend of the 4th came and went.  It was a busy weekend.  On Thursday night I picked up Ava and Ryan and they spent the night here with me.  We got home, packed a bag and headed on a walk to downtown to enjoy the annual street dance.  We goofed around, ate some dinner, they danced like the cutest dancers I ever saw and then we walked back home.  Of course, we stopped at the park and they played, then a bit after 8 we walked the rest of the way home.  Friday we woke up, got ready and at 9:30 walked back towards downtown and watched the annual parade.  The kids did good for the first half.  The parade ended up being 2 hours and Ava is like Aunt Tracey, when she is hot and hungry.. the crabbies come.  OH and not to mention they were both tired because they stayed up extra late on Thursday night (isn’t that what Aunts are for????)  After the parade, Deb and John (who met us at the parade) took the kids home so they could catch up on their sleep and I went home to do the same.  Friday evening (about 4ish) I headed over to EDL’s (Embryo Donor Lady) house.  She was nice enough to invite me to a BBQ and fireworks.  I did let her know I would stay til about 8 and then head home to enjoy the fireworks in my town with the family.  Anyhoo..  I went up there and I had a great time.  I met her boyfriend and some friends and everyone was super sweet and welcoming. 

The time came for me to leave and I headed home.  There I met Deb and John at the park and we waited until the fireworks show at 9:15.  Well they set A firework off and we waited more.  About a half hour later they set off another firework… and we continued waiting.  The poor local band was working over time and by 10pm.. the crowds were restless.  The show was delayed and possibly being cancelled.  Well, after 1,798 stories to Ava later, Debbie and John packed up the kids (as did 50% of the crowd) and headed back to their car.  I did the same and the show was over.  Cancelled due to high winds.  (We can’t afford anymore wildfires here!!)  I was sad.  I LOVE fireworks.  They are one of my most favorite things.  But the kids think the two that they saw WERE the show.. God Bless them!! 

Sat I headed over to Debbie’s and we went to the pool with the kids.  Then my dad came over for a visit and then I made my famous fajitas.  Sunday was church and then back home to clean the ole mess of a house.  I was in a cleaning mode and the house looks GRAND. 

Monday back to work.  I sent a note to EDL and thanked her for Friday.  I also asked if she had made a choice as to the embryos.  She responded late last night that they were mine mine mine!! HEE HEE!!!!  I think what happened was that the lady who was not picked, mentioned splitting them.  And EDL felt guilt about making her sad.  But in the end.. She stuck to me :-)  THANK YOU GOD!!!!!!  Now, I just need to get that wet signature and all will be well in my world.

So, today is like Day 5 of BCP’s, I ordered up my Lupron and that should start next week on Thursday.  My phone consult is on Friday with the Doc and the ball is currently rolling ahead.  I can NOT wait!  I am so excited!!!!

JULY Already!

Well June is over and I have 2 more months of NO SCHOOL!  I am not missing it at all right now!  LOL  We are all going camping again in 2 weeks and I can’t wait.  We may camp the whole week, we may not.  But either way I am off work that entire week.. whoohoo!!

So, I started my period and tomorrow I will start my BCP’s!  I can’t wait!~  Getting ready to cycle is so exciting.  Thinking that THIS MAY BE IT.. always exciting. 

On another note, my donation may be cut in half.  Embryo donor lady came back at me last night saying she wanted to split the donation between me and the other gal.  She had not signed our contract yet.  Anyway, I voiced my concern.  I asked that I simply be allowed to try first and use what I need for success.  Then, after I have a baby or two in my arms, the other gal can have what is left. She already has one child (AND DON’T GO ALL GETTING MAD AT ME CUZ I SAID THAT).  I know it sounds selfish and maybe it is, and just because she already has one doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be allowed to have two.  BUT, LET ME TRY FIRST FOR ONE!!!  She knows the joy of motherhood.  I am still struggling.  I am still in the mud here digging my way out and I need all the embies and tries I can get. 

We bloggers know the real truth behind FET.  Embryo donor lady hasn’t ever been in the trenches.  She thinks it will work first time out the door, no worries, no problems.  We know, that just because there are 12 embryos, does not mean that they will all thaw perfectly and grow into babies.  I may be being selfish .. but I want the best shot at mommyhood.  Like I said, I would be more than happy to let her have them after I get that baby in my arms. 

Alright.. back to staring at my computer and waiting for her response.  I mean if she is adament to split the donation, then I would still be grateful.  I know I sound like I bitch.. but really, I am just desparate…