July… for realz?

(This is me peeking out from under my rock) Hi there world.. how are you?  Anybody there???? Kami .. I see you.  I am here and I am okay

So here I am, I am over being under my rock.  You all know me, you can’t keep an addicted Infertile a good girl down.  Honestly, for a while there I was not happy at all.  You know the deal, I cried (a lot) and was mad (for about a day) and then I laughed and got up and once again brushed myself off.  How can you not do that when you know at some point, the tide is going to shift and it WILL be my turn to bask in the glow of motherhood. 

I think the worst part for me was because I felt like I brought my sweet awesome sister into my pathetic web of doom.  She was never once anything less that fantastic during all this.  She never got down or frustrated.  She never once said lets give up (unlike me as I was the not so happy camper that Thursday when the walls came down).  Anyway, thanks sista for being awesome.

So now the wait game for the next try is underway.  I don’t know when it will be and when we get a CD1, I will get out my pompoms and start cheering again.  I do hope you will join me…. 

And we all go tumbling down

Beta came back at 196.  I am crawling underneath my rock.  Not sure when I will come out. 

I had to rally tonight for a girls night out.  I kept it a secret all night until someone asked how the baby thing was going and I literally “lost it” at the table.  Thank God it was at a friends house.  They were kind and understanding and asked if I needed to not talk about it and if we should change the subject.  Debbie was there… I cried.  She was the strong one and answered the questions for me while I shed the tears that had once been the hope of my soul.

Beta Numero Dos

8:27am – Sitting here at my desk acting like I am working.  Knowing I should be working but I just can’t focus long enough to crunch these numbers.  I need to just focus for a few minutes and do it because Bossman will be looking for these in about an hour…  UGH  Hurry Up and CALL!!!

9:03am – Managed to work for a solid 30 min without stressing over phone call.  I have to pee right  now but am afraid to miss a call.  I could bring my cell into the bathroom or have debbie answer if it rings when I am gone..  I caved I just went and brought the phone with me.  No call

9:25 – okay I think I will call the dr office now.  I just need to be sure they are on it.. ok just called to tell them to check in with the lab..

9:44am – seriously.  can they just call!!

10:03 – seriously I am going nuts here.. CALL.ME!

10:26 – soon I will be calling the lab and pretending I am the dr’s office!

11:06 – ok.. I am not going to pretend call the lab but I am getting close to calling the docs office again.  I mean I know she has patients to see and all…..  but pretty please..can she just call me real quick with some good news??!!!!

11:26 – I called the docs about 15 mins ago and LM asking for a status on the results.  The phone rang and I peed my pants and then realized that is was the gal at the front desk calling to ask me what results was I looking for.  I explained to her it was Beta #2 and she said “OH, let me call them right now and have them fax those over”…. waiting SUCKS!!!

12:05 – no call and my head is pounding and my patience for clients with stupid questions is shot!  AHHHHHHH

12:28 – still no call and now I have heated up my lean cuisine for lunch… time to blogroll

1:28pm – NO CALL YET!  I know they take lunch from 12:30-1:30 so a few minutes more before I can harrass them!!!!  Seriously, this is the worst kind of torture!!

2:15 – i called them and they just called me back.  Their FAX machine is broken so they are not getting faxes..  WTF… they hope to have it resolved and get the results soon.  Debbie and I just went for 3 laps around the building to kill some time

2:50 – I am THIS close to just giving up for the day.  I imagine that I will not be getting the results today.  POOPTASTIC

Here is to hoping that once I hit “publish” I will get the call!

The Results Are In………

Are

 

 

 

 

 

 

You

 

 

 

 

 

Ready?????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

14 DPO and the results are:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

300!!!!!!

I am in awe of Debbie’s fertility…  I am so over the top happy and full of emotion right now.  I don’t even quite know how to express it all.  I can’t say THANK YOU enough to my sister.  I can’t ever tell her enough how much I love her.  I don’t think there will ever be words to share my gratitude for her gift.  My sister is my hero.  My sister is the greatest woman I know.  I need to stop before I cry all over my desk here at work. 

On another note, I can hardly believe that this cycle F-N worked.  I was telling Rachel a moment ago that on Sunday, the day of the 2nd U/S before the IUI I told Debbie on the way to the way to the  car after the U/S that I knew the cycle was a bust before it started.  I told her that if I hadn’t already spent the $$ on sperm that I would have cancelled the cycle.  But since it was only going to be another $150 that we might as well just do it and get it over with…..  Here we are 15 days later and I am eating crow and loving the taste of it!

Internets……  HUGS to everyone for the support and encouragement!

Once again, if you and I or you and Deb are friends on Face*book.  PLLLLEEEAAASSSEEE do not mention anything regarding this.  I am not announcing anything pregnancy related at this point.  Thanks Mucho.

Conversations of a Surrogate and a Phlebotomist

Well, Deb got to go into today to take ber Beta… but not until 3pm.  Since it was so late, I imagine that the results will not be in until tomorrow sometime.  I will be calling and bugging people if I don’t hear by 11am tomorrow (Tuesday).  Stay Tuned For That.  In the meantime, enjoy the convo that took place at the lab ~

So today Deb went to a lab she has not gone to before.  It started as a visit to Q*uest and when she arrived, they were kind enough to tell her that if she went next door to Uni*lab that the draw would be covered by her insurance.  The gal there was SUPER nice and walked her over and delivered her to Uni*lab and the lab request and Uni*lab said they would do the draw no problem.  The conversation upon being called back for the actual blood draw went as follows:

Bloodman (the phlebotomist) – Good Afternoon

Debbie – Hi There

Bloodman – Is this your first pregnancy?

Debbie – No, my third.  But this is really my sisters pregnancy.  I am a surrogate for her.

Bloodman – Oh …… how does that work?

Debbie - (with an inquisitive look on her face wondering how to answer this as she was perplexed that he would really take the conversation to this level and not leave it be at the “I am a surrogate for her”)  What do you mean?

Bloodman – I mean how does it work?  Do they take her egg and fertilize it and then put it in you? (Clearly he has an idea of how it works or he wouldn’t be asking this NOSEY ASS QUESTION)

Debbie – Well in this situation, it is a traditional surrogacy so it is my egg and donor sperm. 

Bloodman – So, technically it is YOUR baby.

Debbie – No, it is not my baby, it is my sisters baby.

Bloodman – Well it is your egg and your carrying it.  So your giving her your baby.  Isn’t that weird?  Isn’t that going to be hard to explain?  Isn’t that going to be hard to do… to give her your baby?

Debbie  - (at a loss because she can’t believe he is saying this to her) Well I love my sister very much so….

Bloodman – Well you must if you are doing that.  Alright, all done.

Debbie - (still wondering if she is in the Twilight Zone or if people really do ask these questions and realizing that she is going to have to plan for the next stranger that feels entitled to ask those types of questions) Great.  Thanks.

Debbie gets in the car and calls me and tells me  that she wishes to NOT return to that place for a beta again.  She then tells me the story.  We need to work on how to deal with this situation because clearly it is going to come up because if it came up once.. it will come up again.

Weekend Update

Just thought I would leave a quick update…..

So Debbie POAS stick yesterday and it was nice and dark.  At 9pm after we got back from the party we realized she didn’t have anymore sticks to pee on for today so I ran really fast on my way home, picked up a  box and left them on her front porch.  She almost forgot I did that and she was almost done with her FMU and she remembered I left them and ran out, got them, finished up her potty on the stick.  She just called and she said the line wasn’t as dark as yesterday.  BUT, I am chalking it up to the end of the urine stream, the different box and all those other things…  I am presently chanting all of this to myself to keep me from the crazies. 

I feel very confident that trigger would be gone by now.  Today is 14dptrigger and 13/14 DPO (again she O’d twice).  Here is a picture I just took of the sticks from the past 4 days, obviously not including todays because I am not at Debs house. 

So, tomorrow morning at 9am I will call the Dr’s and beg and plead for them to call in a lab order and ask for a rush.  Of course I will be posting to let you know if we get in tomorrow or have to wait until Tuesday.

I mean  honestly, at 14dptrigger, that line should not be there unless she is knocked up… RIGHT?????  OH and BTW.. if you know either of us IRL or if you and I or you and Deb are friends on Facebook, please don’t mention anything about pregnancy or peesticks or beta’s or anything of that nature.  We are keeping all of this on the down low.

The Great Wait

The line today is cleaner and darker than yesterday.. does that mean something.. ???  I hope so.  We will wait through the weekend and keep testing.  Debs period is supposed to show Monday.  If no show and we are still getting lines like this, Deb will have a beta…  My guess is that it is going to be a LOOOONNNGG weekend.  Good thing I have a Graduation Party tomorrow night for my good friend Julie’s son.  Then, on Sunday, I am driving to Manteca for the night so that I can take my Godson for his drivers test on Monday.  He wanted to use my car instead of his parents big suburban.. I don’t blame him! 

And last but not least, for your viewing please  

 

 

 

The unlabeled one is from today… 

Thanks everyone for keeping us in your thoughts and all the good vibes.  I tell you … without  you guys I surely would have been a more severe stress case than I am…..

Only time will tell now

So, she POAS this morning and it was still dark but a for sure lighter than yesterdays…  I dunno.  I know each test is different and yada yada yada. 

Now all we can do is just wait it out to see if they get lighter and then we know it was just trigger and Deb is the one in 9 hundred million bajillion that metabolises HCG slowly…  Good Grief…  Suckage.  Tick Tock Tick Tock.

hmmmmmm

I wasn’t going to post this on my blog.  But after sitting around going bonkers all day at my desk at work I realized, the best people to ask were the internets… the people that would be able to provide me information and support if this is an evil trick to entertain the IF gods ….   Now, don’t get me wrong, my two pals Rachel and Marcy were uber supportive, encouraging and realistic this morning with me.  No matter which way this falls… I will be sharing the story with you guys… so anyway…

Debbie woke up this morning and POAS.  This is what she got

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The test line is pretty dark huh ….. Now.. as my gals reminded me this morning, we are still in evil trigger false positive territory here.  Today is 9/10DPO (remember, she ovulated twice) and 10 days past a 250UG (.5ml) of Ovidr*l.  After 10 days, wouldn’t the trigger be much lighter???  I know I am crazy analysing the darkness of sticks…  but I have to do something and I can’t drink wine yet because I am here at work.

Anyway, last month Debbie did not test out trigger.  She never felt like it worked.  This month, she was super tired starting on Monday and not feeling well yesterday then in bed not able to keep her eyes open by 9pm last night.  This is what tempted her to test.  And,the fact that last month I mentioned there was one pregnancy test in her downstairs bathroom in toothpaste bin under the sink, she couldn’t resist.  I would have done the same thing..

Anyway, there is a thin line between hope and delusion… am I dancing on that line???  I need to hear from all of you that have tested out trigger.  How long did it take? 

I picked up a 3 pack of tests and Debbie will test again tomorrow.  If your the praying type, can you pray that this isn’t an evil trick?  Can you cross your fingers and hope along with me for the next day or so?  Pretty please??

The downward spiral of IUI #2

Honestly, I am not even upset.  I am ready for the two weeks to pass so we can get to number 3.  Here is the story for posterity…..

Last night we headed to Dr. T’s office.  We met her there at 7:30.  I have to say, that it was pretty awesome of her to come in after hours and if it would have meant being there at 11pm… she would have.  For that I am SUPER lucky and grateful.  I am also grateful for her sweet caring disposition and desire to really make this work for us.

Now, when we got there and got back to the room, she had put the tank in there earlier we noticed it was different than the one we saw on Sat and Sun at the office.  She said that tank came today and it was then that we realized the tank that arrived on Thursday was an empty tank!  WTF??  So, it turned out to be a good thing we didn’t IUI on Sunday because it would not have happened since the tank that arrived Thursday was empty!

We talked about what we could do different next cycle.  We confirmed the meaning of “collapsed follicle” to mean “ovulated”.  Dr. T was receptive and eager to get things right and we are pretty much on the same page.  I know I have mentioned before that I know this isn’t the main focus of her practice.  And remember, finding a doc that would do a TS in this area is H.A.R.D.  So, I am willing to work with her and she us to get this right.

So, we prepped the vial and Dr T mulled over the paperwork and we let the sample thaw.  Now, last IUI she was like, this sample is old.. I thought.. huh??  Right here on the vial is says 02/20/2008.  In my mind, I ASSUMED (which one should never do) that the date on the vial was the date the sample was collected.  So I said, “one year is not old, I mean, it has to spend 6 months in quarantine anyway” we left it at that.

The sample thawed and she came in and prepped Debbie for what turned out to be a super uncomfortable IUI.  Debbie has a sneaky cervix and the doc has to use these clasp type scissors to grap and hold the cervix (wish I knew the name).  Anyway, needless to say, it didn’t look fun and I felt bad.  The IUI was done and the doc had her lay for 15 min and then asked us to hop over to the u/s room so she could do an abdominal U/S and see if the follies ruptured (which is hard to do with an abdominal U/S).  It looked like they had as there was some free fluid.  Debbie dressed and then the doc said, “you know, that sample was terrible” (I appreciated her honesty).  She said the last one was also.  She also said, you know, the sample was collected on 09/18/99.  I was like.. uh.. no way!  She showed me the paperwork.  She was right.  Then, there is that date of 02/20/2008 where it looks like it was tested or maybe reconstitued.  Bottom line, the sample had 20mil and 35% motility.  The vial from last month was similiar.  Now, if you knew how much I spent on this sperm you would be peepeeing your girlie pants with me.  I have 2  more vials.. I am thinking of selling them back and trying someone new at a good ol’ faithful AFFORDABLE cryobank I know of.  Two more vials like that would be a waste of money and cycles!

The visit was over and Dr. T was so nice and discounted her services and also said that I didn’t have to pay right then if I couldn’t.  I did though.  I had the money saved so why not.. otherwise something else will come up.. you know how that is, once you save money your car starts acting funny.

Overall, sucky cycle, but I just don’t have the head and heart to get frustrated or be sad about it.  I am focused on the end result…. CONGRATS Manifest Destiny and Awesome Baby Mama!!